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15 April 2014 @ 01:48 pm
24 hour, in brief. The Good, the bad, and the ugly.  
Brief summary of vaguely structured thoughts

The Good
-The roleplay... so much good roleplay.
The talk with Smithy as they walked along the ridge, and the intense feeling of joy at still having that friendship and comradery despite the time passed.
Almost every interaction with Lomax, starting with the sinking feeling in Barel's stomach when she heard he'd kidnapped a druid and his almost-laughing in her face for being too nice (she had a good first impression of Lomax when they last patrolled, and didn't like thinking she'd got that so wrong), and every moment of relief after that each time they spoke and he reaffirmed her naively optimistic opinion of him. There is also a degree of OOC amusement.
Little moments with Gerrard, small touchstones to instant immersion.
-Feeling how much she's grown from those first reserved, self doubting games. It's not just the character normalising to my behaviour patterns - though there were probably some moments where I was more Caroline than Barel - as there's still things that cause Barel blushes that I wouldn't bat an eyelid at (Physara's gentle flirting, Aniseed's talk of topless gladiators, etc). She is, for the most part, more confident in herself, more relaxed, and a tiny bit more mature.
-The scavenger hunt. I had a lot of fun acquiring most things without really leaving the bench we were sat at, through trades and having bags full of things.
-The team dynamic; whilst they didn't have the best mix of skills to win most of the contests, they had fun.
-The potential for future fun.

The Bad
-Feeling ineffective most of the weekend. Not being able to break out her most useful fighting skills because these were friendly fights, and Barel's power isn't aimed at friendly.
-Feeling partly responsible for Francis's death, coupled with OOC guilt at losing my head and not being sensible around a first aid issue.
-Barel dying. It was completely avoidable, and it's not as though she's not considered it. It's the primary reason she's not maxed out the Ice darts - not being able to shield herself. She/I could have protected her against her own damage, and she/I didn't.
-Gerrard dying. Whilst she's mostly over him, she still cares, and she was (quietly) really upset.
-Failing at riddles. I feel I should have been able to do loads more.
-Not taking part in overnight watches, and rushing away at the end. I know I had OOC reasons for both, I know RL > RP. Still not a good.

The Ugly
-The car ride home. Having two hours with very little distraction from Barel in my head cycling through recriminations for not casting the spell immunity, desperation that this is her last go at life, regret that there's still things she wants to do and may not get to, and (in effect) mourning for herself. It all felt a bit silly and melodramatic but it was hard to break out of. Still, I did (thank you beaming daughter and lovely husband!), it at least kept me awake, and she's worked through it to a state of determination and resolve.

So, yes. Had a lot of fun. There's more good than bad or ugly. There's things to pursue, roleplay to be had, growth to be done. All these things are good.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful